A Letter to a “Bio Buddy”

Dear Seth,

You’ve completely changed all of my expectations for high school. Do you realize that? On that first day, you were a brief brush.

Literally. We were in biology, just the freshmen that day. You had to stand next to me to see the fish tank, and your skin was like fire against mine. It was a butterfly feeling, really. When you turned to face me, we were only a centimeter apart. You blushed and whispered, “Sorry.”

I didn’t know you were in my study hall block, Seth. I didn’t know I’d be counting the moments until I’d see you again. Every study hall was a game of laughter and secret smiles. You’re such a golden boy. You ask how the teacher’s day is going, compliment everyone and do what you’re told. To top it off, you’re a wrestler and have the muscle to show it, and you’re brilliant.

Do you have any flaws, Seth? Or is this all just an act? Walls you put up to keep people from really seeing you? I’ve been trying to figure you out for weeks now. You’re always so happy, so carefree. I wish I could be like that.

I’ve been trying to decide whether or not I like you, Seth. I mean, obviously, you’re sweet, caring and cute. Liking someone though . . . liking them to the point where it could become love . . . I don’t know if I’m ready to join your fan club. You’ve got girls blushing and giggling around every corner. You’ve even got poor Miss Rivera tongue-tied.

If I only saw you, I wouldn’t have these feelings. You’d just be another boy in my classes. It’s more though. In biology, you lean your chair back and let your head fall on my desk while I read, watching me with your light grey eyes. Once I reached out and ran my finger over the top of your head while you sat thee. Your hair was so soft, Seth.

When we were in study hall, the juniors and seniors were giving you a tough time for talking to me. They weren’t being mean, really, just annoying. They kept asking if we were friends, and I wanted to know the answer as much as they did. Maybe more.

You gave me a smile and said, “We’re bio buddies.”

Maybe you were only thinking about biology class and how we sit so close to each other, but I started to think of more. Bio means life, Seth. You basically said we were buddies for life.

Of course, you probably didn’t even realize that. Still, I wouldn’t mind being bio buddies with you.

Seth, you’re this whirlwind of a boy. I know you’ll be voted ‘Most Popular’ and ‘Nicest’ in the yearbook. I know you’ll have the whole graduating class on their feet when you walk across the stage in four years. I know you’re going to go far, Seth.

Why am I hesitant then? Why don’t I just accept that I like you and be done with it?

Because I’m not ready to be a follower. I see the way girls look at you. Even the sophomores in our biology class trip over their feet to see you. There’s already so many girls chasing after you.

Then there’s the small fact of my friend, Nathan. We’ve been friends for years now and I really started to like him. It doesn’t matter that his last relationship ended in flames or that he doesn’t even recognize my feelings. . . I can’t give up on him, Seth. I just can’t.

I’m giving you the choice. Either let me in and know the real you or just let me go. I’m not ready to add my name to your fan club, Seth. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ll need more of a reason to.

Love,

The girl who can’t love you