I miss the innocence of childhood, back when kissing a boy meant we would be together forever and not trying to salvage something that was never really there a week later. I miss knowing who I wanted to be, before people started asking me "Why?" and "How?" so damn often. I miss feeling happy, like really happy. I miss having friends, back before friends turned to almost-lovers and then strangers.
My apologies for the sappiness. It's been a long week, and I had my senior prom a week ago, today. The future is terrifying me, to be honest.
To update all of you, so much has happened but it seems to all have come undone. I hate when life works like that. Here's a poem I wrote earlier today.
Three
days.
Months
of keeping you away,
weeks
and weeks of being so careful,
all
undone in three long days.
We
were kings and queens,
your
arms on my waist
and
my eyes on yours.
The
stars danced above us
at
three in the morning
as
I pulled you close
and
tasted your lips.
We
sat together but alone,
the
rest of the world meaningless.
My
lips tasted like rum;
yours
reminded me of sunshine.
We
drove home in comfortable quiet;
you
stalled forever at my door,
but
I would wait forever.
You
asked my permission and kissed me
one
last time.
I
can see it now,
how
foolish and naïve we were.
We
took our time in paradise
and
treated it like eternity.
I
know now that you’re too busy
for
me,
for
us.
I
know now that we couldn’t make it,
even
if we wanted to,
even
if we needed to.
I
know now that I was falling for you,
quicker
than I could catch myself,
quicker
than you could catch me.
Three
days.
I
built up my walls
when
he left,
but
then I went and gave you
the
key.
